Looking in All the Wrong Places

When I was a teenager I read a book, and I can't remember for sure what the title was but it was something like, "Davy Jones' Haunted Locker". Davy Jones' locker is the realm of the dead for those who die at sea. And Davy Jones rules this underworld.
Well there's a man in this village who has a crush on these three different women who are known for their beauty, and he's constantly trying to win the heart of one of them. Then there's this kind of cute, but somewhat annoying young lady who, in the modern vernacullar, thinks that he is the "cats' meow".

Somehow this man ends up dying at sea and finds himself in Davy Jones' locker and meets the rular of this realm, Davy Jones himself. Over a period of time in this realm it is discovered that a mistake has been made and they need to send this man back to the land of the living. So to compensate the man for the inconvenience, Davy Jones grants him three wishes. So the man asks for:
Fame:
Wealth and
Wisdom
Davy Jones begin to answer: "If you make it back safely, You will be famous". That took care of the first wish. For the second wish Davy Jones told him where there was a small chest of treasure buried; wish two.
For his third wish, Davy Jones said, "There are three rules of wisdom that you must follow if you want to be wise.
The first rule is don't marry the most beautiful woman in the village. because all she thinks about is herself and how beautiful she is.
The second rule is don't marry the second most beautiful woman in the village Because all she thinks about is how beautiful she is. But she's also miserable because she's not the most beautiful woman in the village"
The man asks, "Anything else?" Thinking at least there's still the third lady.
"Yes", Davy Jones said. "Don't marry the third most beautiful woman in the village. Because all she thinks about is how beautiful she is and she's even more miserable because she's not as beautiful as the other two women".
The man, now really confused asked him, "Well who should I marry then?"
Davy Jones replied, "Marry the woman who thinks that you are the most wonderful and handsomest man in the village. She won't be consumed by how beautiful she looks but she will look after your needs and desires which means that you will be able to look after hers too."
The man immediately thought of the cute, annoying girl and thought that maybe she wasn't that annoying after all.
The story of course ends with him marrying the "cute" lady and living happily ever after.

I've often thought about this story over the years and thought long and hard about how easy it can be to spend all of my energy pursuing something that I can never have. Or if I could have it, I would realize after it was too late, that it was not what I really wanted. Or that it was going to be a disaster. But is it possible that the very thing I am trying to win, is something I already have. Like the man in the story, trying to win the heart of a woman whose heart he'll never win, not realizing that he's already won the heart of the one who really does love him.

It isn't just about relationships. It can be about almost anything. I've even seen it with beekeeping. It's true. Someone gets the idea that it would be wonderful to have their own honey. They acquire, sometimes, several hives and then realize that they are absolutely terrified of bees or, worse yet, they are deathly allergic to bee stings.

So how do we know what the right choices for us are? I believe a lot of times we pursue the wrong things (I'm not talking about sinful) because we don't really know ourselves. So what is the solution? I think it's get good counsel. I don't mean necessarily a professional counselor although that may be what is needed, but surrounding yourself with wise friends who really know you. Maybe you're thinking of getting into beekeeping. A friend who knows you may remind you that you freak out when a bug flies by your face. Maybe it is a relationship. A friend might tell you that the other person doesn't like you and probably never will. besides that, they're into sports and you're into reading...,or whatever. As it says in Proverbs 5:22, "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed." We often really fool ourselves where others can see and provide needed direction. One of the great tragedies is that many people spend all of their energy striving to reach the top and when they get there, they realize it's a pile of manure. And then they can't get down. It's much easier to never get into a bad situation than to try to get out of one. Perhaps with wise counsel they would have seen that it wasn't going to be the best thing.
Of course, the most important thing is to pray. God is the best counselor. Ask him for direction and especially for the humility to listen. Often he provides his direction through other people. Often the counsel is not what we want to hear. because in our nature, we want what we want. That's why a humble spirit is so important. Proverbs 9:9, "Instruct a wise man and he will become wiser still."
But what if you've really messed up. As long as you're still alive, tomorrow is a brand new day. I've been thinking a lot abot the ending of the movie Castaway lately and I'll end with a quote from it. "...Keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring". Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring. It could be the beginning of something new and wonderful. But you have to keep breathing. Blessings to all.

Forgive as You Have Been Forgiven

Matt. 6:14, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins".

In Matthew 18 :21-35 Jesus told a story about a servant who owed his master an astronomical amount of money, millions of dollars. Because the servant begged for mercy his master forgave the debt. Later, this servant found a fellow servant who owed him a small amount of money. When the other servant couldn't pay and begged for mercy, he refused to be merciful and had him thrown into prison. The story ends with the first servant being brought back before his master and being thrown into prison. The last verse leaves no question, (vs.35) "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart". Unforgiveness is sin! In fact, it is an unpardonable sin.
When you look at this narrative something that stands out is the first servant's disregard for what his master has just done for him. He doesn't seem to realize the magnitude of the debt he owed. And this brings up an important point:
           
           It costs to forgive...A LOT!!
Scholars have estimated that ten thousand talents may have been anywhere between 15 and 50 million dollars. Debt does not simply disappear. It has to be accounteed for in some way. In this story the master absorbs the debt himself in order to forgive his servant. It cost the master all of that money to set his servant free. Forgiveness is not pretending that nothing is wrong or that it's no big deal so don't worry about it. It begins with a full acknowledgment that someone has wronged you and hurt you in some way, and legally, you have every right to demand justice. Forgiveness is waiving that right and absorbing the cost yourself in order to set the offending person free.
I believe that the biggest obstacle to our being able to forgive is that we don't realize the awfulness of our own sin and just what it cost our savior to set us free. Jesus illustrated this in Luke 7:41-43,
            "Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he cancelled the debts of both. Now which one of them will love him more?" 
Simon replied, "I suppose the one who had the bigger debt cancelled."
"You have judged correctly," Jesus answered.

Sometimes the problem, for me anyway, is one of perspective. I think of myself as the one who owed fifty danarii when in reality I am the one who owed five hundred. In other words, I don't think I'm such a bad person because, after all, I didn't do what THEY did. But the reality is, my sins put Jesus on the cross. When I see it from that perspective, I can see what an insult it is to my savior that I should have the audacity to think I have the right to demand justice and not forgive others, when he waived his own right to demand justice in order to forgive me.

             Forgiveness and reconciliation
One question that always comes up is, does forgiveness mean reconciliation. They are not the same thing. Just because you forgive someone does not mean that a relationship can be restored. If there is no indication that the offending party sees that they have done anything wrong and are making no good faith effort to make necessary changes, You can extend forgiveness, but there really cannot be a relationship because the bahavior which broke the relationship will coninue to destroy it. We must be careful, however that the "rebuilding trust" is not simply a smokescreen to hide the fact that one hasn't truly forgiven the other person. When I hear someone say, "I forgave him but it takes time to rebuild trust". I invariably want to ask how long it's been since the person displayed the offensive behavior. If they say almost twenty years (That's no joke. I've seen it) I would suspect that they are only fooling themselves. They haven't forgiven the other person.
I would also suppose that, in  some cases, too much "water has flowed over the dam" and forgiveness simply means setting the other person free and blessing them as they go. In a case of infedelity, where the offending spouse returns to ask forgiveness even though they are now remarried, would be an example. The individuals will simply have to move on.

           This all sounds so good, but I can't do it.
I'll let you in on a little secret. If I write about something like this, it's because it's a personal struggle for me. If it weren't I wouldn't think about it enough to bother writing about it. This is HUGE for me an I don't have a quick and easy answer. But I know the one who does have the answers. And I think he gave it to us in 1 John 1:9,

        "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness"

If you can't forgive someone, tell your heavenly father. That's what confession is. Maybe you don't even want to forgive. Tell him that too. Phillipians 2:13 says, "For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good pleasure". The fact is we DON'T have it in us to desire to do God's will. He has to put that desire in us; including the desire and ability to forgive. It must begin with confession. Complete, brutally honest confession. Acknowledge that unforgiveness is sin and that you are guilty. And then embrace his promise that he will do what he said; forgive us and purify us from the unrighteousness of unforgiveness.
But what if we are still struggling with being able to truly forgive from our hearts? Even though we now have a new identity in Christ we still have our old nature to deal with. And we still get it wrong sometimes. So here's one more passage. Psalm 103:13-14, "As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers we are dust." He remembers that we are weak and frail, even though sometimes we forget. It is by his grace that we are saved and it is sufficient for us. Lean on him and trust him. May God bless each and every one of you.

Something New, But First, A Time to Mourn

Isaiah 43:18-19, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."


Some years ago I saw a movie called, "Joshua". It was based on the book, "Joshua, A Parable for Today", by Joseph F. Girzone.
The story basically is Jesus, in modern times, showing up in a small town almost like a drifter, and he makes a huge impact on everyone he comes in contact with. In one particular scene, toward the end of the movie, a young lady who tragically lost her husband, the love of her life, out of anger and frustration picks up a crystal vase, smashes it on the ground and runs out. The scene ends with Joshua starting to pick up the broken pieces. Sometime later, after Joshua's gone, the priest is talking to this same young lady, who is also leaving, and he says to her, "Joshua wanted me to give you this", and he held out a beautiful figurine of a woman made from all the broken pieces of the vase. As she held it she said, "He made something beautiful." I choke up every time I think about that scene because it hits me like a ton of bricks: He didn't put the vase back together again. He took the broken peices and he made something new, something different. The thing is, this NEW thing was far more beautiful than what it had been originally.

When we find ourselves in that place where our lives are nothing but broken shards of the beauty that once was, it's easy to become overwhelmed with feelings of hopelessness and despondancy. I want the beautiful vase back. I want my old job back, the relationship restored, the health problems fixed. I either yearn to turn back the clock and try to do better so maybe the vase won't get broken, or else I want God to put the vase back together again. But maybe God intends to do something else. When God asks, "do you not perceive it?" The answer is, no I don't perceive it. All I see is broken glass.

Now it may seem that the simple solution is to simply stop focusing on the problem and look up in expectation and watch God start to move. Right? Sounds so simple and so ideal, BUT...,

Not happening.

That is the answer but it's just not that simple.

So how do we move beyond the broken mess and wait in expectation for God to take the broken pieces and make something beautiful? I don't pretend that I have the answers but I did run across something that I had never seen before. It's at the end of the book of Dueteronomy. Moses has gone up Mt. Nebo, never to return. He's dead. The Lord is about to do a "new" thing. Joshua is going to be the new leader and the israelites are going to go in and conquer the promised land. But there's a little verse in chapter 34 that really stood out to me. Vs 8,

           "The Israelites grieved for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days, until the time of weeping and mourning was over."

So now begins the mission of conquering the land of Canaan, but for thirty days, nothing is going to happen. They're taking the month off. It's as if God is saying, "I have a plan. But before I impliment my plan, you need time to grieve the loss of your leader and process the loss before you can move forward with this new thing I am about to do." Now at first glance that may seem a little unreasonable to think that people would be ready to move on in thirty days, particulary Joshua and the priests who had been intimately close to Moses and for whom the loss would have been very deep. Sometimes the wounds and the pain of loss can last for years. True. But I wonder, in our  nine to five, "planes to catch, bills to pay" (nod to the late Harry Chapin) world, do we even get any real time to grieve and process loss. Is it possible that a "moment of silence" observed at a baseball game is all the time many of us ever get. What if we actually took time to grieve? Would so many of us be "walking wounded"? I seriously believe that those of us who have deep wounds from loss would be much healthier mentally, emotionally and spiritually if we had taken time to grieve and process what's been lost or broken.

Now the truth is, there are some losses that people don't ever completely get over. I have heard that the greatest loss is when a parent loses a child. I don't see how anyone fully recovers from that. Perhaps in such cases, healing means coming to a place where they can move forward with their lives. But it can't happen if they've never been allowed to grieve and mourn. And then to process, because that is important. Life is going to be different moving forward.

In this verse I believe that God also tells us that loss is real. He doesn't minimize it. In the new testament we see Jesus weeping over Lazarus, a man who in a few moments is going to be alive again. WE need to acknowledge that our loss and pain is real. Sometimes I get impatient with myself and think I should be moving on. Often, I am trying to accomplish the same level of productivity that I could accomplish before I experienced the loss. That is simply not reasonable. We don't expect a person with a sprained ankle to be able to walk like he did when his ankle was fine. In the same way, we can't expect ourselves to be able to perform at the same level we did when were weren't dealing with the pain of brokenness and loss. We may need to come to grips with the fact that for a time, we may not get much done.

So here's what I've gathered from all of this. See if this helps:

1. Acknowledge the loss and brokenness; it's real. Even if you think it's not as bad as what someone else is gong through. It's still a loss. If it truly is not as bad, you will heal more quickly. Makes sense. Simple as that.
2. Take time to grieve and process it. Even if it means taking an afternoon here and there to be alone. Don't be ashamed to cry (GUYS)...,even if a lot of time has passed. It's OK. Sometimes the healing simply means the ability to go on with your life. The grief may come on you heavy at times even years later, but it won't be crippling like it was at first.
3. Realize that things are going to be different now. Most likely, God won't put the vase back together. As he said to Joshua in Joshua 1:2, "Moses my servant is dead." He's gone. He's not coming back. Things are different now. Then He said, "Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give them...." It wasn't until after the time of mourning and weeping, when all of the people had been given time to grieve and process the loss; that's when God said, "Let's move forward. Go conquer Canaan." Now they were ready for God to do something new. It's after we have had our time of mourning and weeping that we can then be prepared for God to take the broken shards of our lives and make something new. 

Trust him! It's going to be beautiful.

The Man Who DIDN"T Live Out His Faith

 "But the other criminal rebuked him. 'Don't you fear God,' he said, 'since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.' Then he said, ' Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.' Jesus answered him, 'I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in Paradise'" Luke 23:40-43

Here we are introduced to a man who was saved just as his life was ebbing away in an extremely excruciating manner. He was never going to attend church or a bible study. He would never read the gospels or study the epistles. He would never serve in his local church or go on a mission trip, feed the homeless or do anything that a follower of Jesus would do. In fact, because the Romans reserved crucifixion for those whose deeds warranted making an example of them, this man's legacy was that he was one of the worst of the worst. He was evil!  If there was a man who could not be saved, this was him.

In the narrative of the rich young rular, (Matt 19:16-26) Jesus said it was easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom. In the mindset of the day, it was thought that the rich people had an advantage because they were the ones funding the temple. Which is why the disciples asked, "Who then can be saved?" Jesus' answer applies to each and every one of us: "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

While we can look at this man and say that his life was a dismal failure, none of us are any different. God's standard for righteousness is perfection. 99.999999(ad infinitum)% is not perfect. His standard is also pass or fail. Anything less than absolutely perfect, fails. James 2:10, "For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it." And because (Rom. 3:23) we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, we are no different than this criminal who was crucified along with Jesus.

After 3+ years of his ministry in which he taught that man cannot, by his good deeds be righteous before a holy God and that he himself was the only way to be saved. It seems appropriate that one of the last things God would do as Jesus was dying, would be to demonstrate for us just how, not only this man, but each and every one of us can be saved.

1. Confession: This man acknowledged his sin and that he was getting exactly what he deserved. It isn't just that we confess our sins but confess that God would be completely justified if he sent us to eternal judgment. he knew he was getting what he deserved and it is what we all deserve. 1 John 2:9, " If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."

2. Total dependence on Jesus. As he hung helplessly on that Roman cross, his plea was that Jesus would remember him. That was his only hope and it is our only hope. Acts 4:12, "Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved."

Finally..
3. The assurance of salvation: Jesus promises him that he would be in Paradise with him that day.

The fact is that each and every one of us is just like that criminal on the cross: A wretched sinner saved by grace. And we are just as helpless as he was. It is only an illusion that we have any ability in our own strength.

So in just a few short verses we have this wonderful picture of God saving a sinner by his own love and grace, and a great example to follow in a man who never got a chance to actually live out his own faith...

                              OH BUT HE DID!!!!

Life doesn't Turn Out The Way We Expect

Tonight for some reason I got the urge to read the two inaugural addresses of President Abraham Lincoln. I was struck by how the two speeches almost seem to have been given by two different men. And indeed, in many ways, they were. When Abraham Lincoln first took office, the nation was facing the threat of the southern states seceeding and the possibility of war. Mr Lincoln, in his first address, spoke of the necessity of preserving the union and seemed confident that it could be accomplished without bloodshed. This was the spring of 1861.

Now it's four years later. The war had come and the price had been awful. Instead of a nation that had pulled together and unified, laying aside their differences, Mr. Lincoln was now presiding over a badly wounded, shattered nation still in the throes of war, badly in need of healing. How could he have seen into the future four years earlier. Obviously, he is now a man with some deep questions as to  why this terrible war had come about. He opined that perhaps it was divine judgment against the offence of slavery. Mr. Lincoln eloquently states in the address,
     
            "Yet, if God wills that it continue until all the wealth
             piled by the bondman's two hundred and fifty years                       

             of unrequited toil shall be sunk, and until every
             drop of blood drawn with the lash shall be paid by
             another drawn with the sword, as it was said three
             Thousand years ago, so it must still be said, 'The    
             judgments of the Lord are true and righteous
             altogether.' "

Of course, this brings me around to today. How often do we look back with incredulity and think, I would never have imagined my life to turn out the way it did. Four years ago, I would have predicted a much different life today. Not one with deep wounds, mostly inflicted by me, a trail of debris, and badly in need of healing. Perhaps much of it is the Lord's discipline to correct me. I'm sleeping in the bed I made.

Mr. Lincoln almost certainly did not see four years into the future to a time when he would be presiding over a nation that, yes, was still one nation, but almost mortally wounded.

The one thing I have learned to hang on to is the faith that while all of this may have taken me by surprise, none of it took my heavenly father by surprise. He also promises that none of it is wasted if we love him. (Rom. 8:28) His purpose will be accomplished. and he promises never to leave us or forsake us.

In the five decades I've been walking this planet the biggest thing I've learned is I don't know very much. But I know that there is someone who knows all things and that he loves me, not because of who I am, but because of who he is. (Ezek 36:22,"...not for your sake,..that I am going to do these things, but for the sake of my holy name.)

Often the journey out of the dark valley leads through an even darker tunnel. Another thing I have learned is that, more important than seeing light at the end of the tunnel, is feeling the hand of my savior, holding mine while I am in the tunnel. In my desire to be out of this darkness, I must not pull away from him.

The civil war changed Abraham Lincoln as well as a nation. Slavery was no more and Mr. lincoln had a much greater humility than before. Our journeys shape and change us. They change us for the better if we look to God's divine hand of providence and don't view ourselves as victims. It's been said that what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. Trouble will come, and yes, sometimes it is excruciating. However, I am convinced that if we allow our savior, who bore our sins on Calvary's cross to hold us, he may not take the trouble away but he will make something beautiful of the trouble that will be for his glory and for our blessing. God bless you all
  

Sherry

“SHERRY”

By: Grant King

November 2, 2015

The Dream Part 1.

I dreamed it was a Sunday morning at church. I was singing a solo that weekend and we had just finished the 9:30 service and the choir was making their way to the music room for some fellowship and refreshments. I was just checking out the snacks when I heard a man's voice, "Is Grant King here?" I looked up and saw one of the pastors with a rather petite blonde woman. She looked to be in her 40's but somehow I got the impression that she looked older than she was. I said, "Yes, I'm here. What's up?" I'd like to introduce you to Sherry." He said. "She wants to meet you." "Hi Sherry." I said. "My name is Grant." "I'm glad to meet you," she said. She seemed somewhat nervous. "I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your song this morning. It was really beautiful." "Thank you", I said, sensing her shyness. "And thank you for coming all the way to the choir room to tell me that. It really means a lot".

She looked down slightly and said. "That's not the only reason I came. May I ask you a question? It may seem strange." "Sure". I replied. "A few years ago, were you in the town of Stuart, and did you see a homeless woman in the parking lot at a shopping center? And did you bring her a roast beef sandwich and a lemon flavored ice tea?" Totally bewildered, I replied, "Yes, I did. But how did you kn...?" At that point I choked up, my eyes flooded with tears and I almost staggered backwards. She smiled through her tears and said, "I found you. You're the angel God sent to help me when I prayed to him."

The Parking Lot.

Several years previously, our son was asked to play the drums for a church up in Stuart. They had a Saturday night service at 6pm and 2 Sunday services. He needed to be there at 3pm so the band could practice. After dropping him off, I had about 2 hours of free time before church, so I decided to get some saw blades at Harbor Freight and find something to eat. As I pulled into the parking lot I saw a woman, several parking lanes over, holding a cardboard sign. She looked to be in a very bad way and I felt that I had to do something, even if just to give her some money. The traffic pattern was such that in order to turn around so I could get to where she was, I would literally have to go all the way to my destination. So I figured that I might as well just go in and get what I was after and then help that lady out. I got my stuff, paid for it, got in my car and headed out. I saw the lady was still there so I reached in my wallet to get some money out. As I did, I sensed a still, small voice very emphatically say, "Do not give her any money!" Now that seemed strange but I didn't dare disobey. In my mind I could hear the angel's words to Balaam, "I would have killed you and spared the donkey". I drove by her and I saw her up close. She looked sick, hungry, frail and frightened; like a scared rabbit. Her cardboard sign was so small I could barely read it: "Homeless". 

Straight ahead was a Publix grocery store so I decided to go see if anything looked good in the deli and thought that maybe I'd get some clarity. She obviously needed help and this simply did not make any sense.  

I made my way to the deli and began looking at the dinner items. Nothing really looked that good so I turned towards the sandwich counter. A roast beef sub actually sounded great.

What didn't sound great was that it only cost $1.50 more to buy the foot long sub than the half sub. My days of eating an entire roast beef sub on whole wheat  without serious repercussions were long since gone. So I only really wanted a half sandwich but it seemed like a lousy deal. Then the still small voice spoke to me, "Buy the whole sub and half will be for you, and the other half for that woman." Suddenly everything made perfect sense. I was to bring her something to eat. So I ordered a roast beef sub with mayo, lettuce and tomato, and black olives. (The voice even said she'll like it just the way I do. Very specific ). Then I grabbed a coke which I really didn't want. But I wasn't going to pay a dollar for a bottle of water. I got up to the check out and something caught my eye. At the front of the store they had a drink cooler with these Arnold Palmer ice teas in it, and they were only 99 cents. That really sounded good. Again, the still small voice spoke, "One for you and one for her". So I paid for the food and headed out to take this woman her dinner. As I got to where she was, another car was there and it appeared that the driver was talking to her through the passenger window so I pulled up to her left and rolled my window down. After the other car left, she furtively glanced my way and I asked her if she was hungry. Poor thing. She looked as if she was going to cry as she nodded. "I hope you like roast beef", I said. "I love roast beef", she replied in a voice barely above a whisper. "But I don't want to take your dinner." "No", I said, "I have my dinner. This is your dinner." "O, thank you. This is wonderful". She said. I reached into my bag and pulled out an ice tea. "I've never had one of these before but I've heard they're really good. I hope you like it", as I gave it to her. "O this is SO wonderful." She said.” Thank you." I don't think anything else was said before I drove away after giving her the meal.

It seemed like I had done pitifully little to help this poor woman. I felt as if I should have done more but I didn't know what. I didn’t know where to get permanent help for her. I also found myself second guessing myself. Should I have said anything like, "God bless you", or "Jesus loves you"? I even chided myself for not giving her the entire sandwich. But in all of this I sensed the quiet assurance that I had done exactly what I was supposed to do. I doubt she weighed 80lbs soaking wet with her pockets full of change. That half sandwich was going to last her through the next day and anything more would have spoiled. She didn't need to hear any nice sentiments. She simply needed someone to meet her immediate need which was good food and something to get her hydrated and electrolytes back up. Roast beef on whole wheat with some fresh lettuce and tomato was probably the healthiest thing she had eaten in a long time.

The Dream Part 2

Sherry spoke slowly in a soft voice that almost had a musical quality to it. She was very articulate in spite of her rather simple vocabulary. "I used to go to church sometimes when I was little. I heard about Jesus and that he loved me. But people did bad things to me and hurt me so bad, that I didn't believe he was real. And if he was real, he didn't care about me. I came to Florida and a lot of bad things happened to me. I lost everything and ended up on the street begging. That was when you saw me. I had prayed to God that if he was real and if he cared to please help me. That's when you came. When you asked me if I was hungry I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I was so hungry and so thirsty. When you gave me the food and the drink, I really thought you were an angel from heaven."  "It was so little." I choked out. "I should have done more." She put her hand on my arm, "Grant, when I feel asleep that night, I wasn't hungry. I was always hungry before. Sometimes I would find something to eat that was bad and then I'd feel sick. But that night I was full and I didn't feel sick." She smiled and continued. "I still had plenty to eat the next day. Do you know how I kept it from getting spoiled?" I shook my head. "I had a plastic bag and I went to MacDonald’s and at the drink machine I would get ice and put it in my bag. Then I put it around my sandwich and wrapped a shirt around it. It would stay cold all night and was still good in the morning. Then I got more ice. I still had some the next afternoon." I smiled. Ingenious. As tiny as she was, I could easily believe that it was enough food for 2 days. 

She continued, "But you gave me something more. Do you know what that was?" I shook my head. "Hope." She replied. "I had lost hope. I didn't believe that God cared about me and loved me. Each day meant the same thing. Hunger, begging, and wondering if someone was going to hurt me. I really believe if God hadn't sent you that I would have given up. But I cried out to God one more time and then you came. At first I was scared that you wanted to hurt me. You looked scary with sunglasses." She smiled, a little embarrassed, then continued. "Do you know what you said to me when you brought me food? I shook my head. "When I said to you that I didn't want to take your dinner, you said that it wasn't your dinner. It was MY dinner. That's when I knew God had sent you to help me. You didn't share your dinner or give me your dinner, you brought me MY dinner. It was just for me." She was right. The still small voice had said that one was for me and the other was for her. It was her dinner. I had never thought about that. "That's when I began to hope and believe again that Jesus loves me."

Then she said, "I have to go now. My ride is waiting and you need to go back into church because the next service will start soon." "Will we see you again?" I asked. I wanted to know so much more. "I'm going to go home now but we will see each other again someday in heaven. And I'm going to be there because you obeyed God." Sherry reached up to hug me. "Thank you so much." I said. "Thank you for finding me and sharing all of this. It means so much just knowing you're doing well today." "I'm getting there," she said, smiling. "And I’m not hungry anymore. Thank you for being obedient and doing what God told you to do." Then she turned, walked out the door and was gone.

Epilogue

I think I should clarify a few things. The dream chapters were a very vivid dream that impacted me on several levels for several days afterwards. The parking lot chapter actually did happen in real life. 

Dreams are strange things. I used to brush them off as silly and meaningless. I've stopped doing that. I've had too many times where a dream or the "still small voice" turned out to have serious implications so I don't ignore them anymore. I don't have any idea what triggered this dream. It was a single incident that happened several years earlier that I had mostly forgotten about. Maybe God had a reason for me having this dream. He certainly knew I was going to. While I don't believe that God is still revealing anything more in the way of scripture today, I certainly believe that he does speak to his people through different means. If I didn't believe that, then I'd have to conclude that when the last apostle died, God did too. I don't believe we worship a dead God.

I've shared my lunch or even given my entire lunch to a homeless person on a number of occasions. This time was different for a few reasons. On is that it seemed that God gave me specific instructions on how to help her. Also her expression of heartfelt gratitude was far beyond anything I'd seen from bringing a homeless person food. I really believe the only reason she didn't cry was because she didn't have the strength to. Of course what was challenging for me is that I never knew how it ended. I wanted to know if what I did really made any difference. God didn't tell me. I sensed my instructions were to buy a sandwich and an ice tea and then take it to her. I guess the secret things belong to him. The teacher in the Old Testament said that the whole duty of man is to fear God and obey him. Most of it is spelled out for us in his word. Beyond that he whispers to us through his spirit specific commands for specific things. Whenever I have sensed the "still, small voice" it wasn't often to tell me about some great plan he has for my life. It's usually something like, "You need to apologize to that person." or, "You weren't completely honest. You need to go back and make some clarifications". I remember my failures in vivid detail but I have a hard time thinking of times that I really got it right. Maybe that's why I search for significance. I want to make a mark and know I've made a real difference. The problem is, that makes it all about ME and MY impact. That shouldn't be the primary focus. Surrendered obedience should be. Ironically, a life characterized by surrendered obedience will make an impact. If our focus is to make an impact, we might succeed. But an impact made by someone whose life is not characterized by surrendered obedience is not a good thing; even if it does help some people. Maybe that's what the dream was all about. It was to remind me that God uses our obedience to make a difference and that it DOES make a difference. I don't really think God, in a mystical way, was actually telling me what happened after I left the parking lot. 

I am almost embarrassed by how little of .a sacrifice it was to help this woman. I was going to give her $5. Between $1.50 extra to get the whole sandwich and 99c for the drink, plus tax, it cost me little more than half of what I intended to give her. I can't say it was any sacrifice of time either. I was already there. She was in the parking lot and I didn't need to be anywhere. That's why it seemed like I did so little and I should have done more--much more. But perhaps to someone who hadn't eaten in a few days and was getting dehydrated it meant a lot. I still wonder if it really made an eternal difference or if it just prolonged the inevitable. That really isn't my concern though. I just did what I believe I was told to do. The results are up to God. I guess it's natural to want to know that I'm not just here taking up space and using up oxygen. Thee truth is, we can rest assured that if we are seeking to be obedient, then nothing is wasted. I heard it said that God is weaving together a beautiful tapestry with our lives. We see the back side of it. On our side it looks like a tangled mess of different colored thread. But on his side it's a beautiful work of art. Maybe that's what it means to trust him. Trust him that he has a beautiful purpose in everything when all I can see is a tangled mess. Who knows? Maybe all if this happened so I could write it down and someone else would read it and be impacted.

As far as the woman; I know nothing about her. Her name was Sherry in my dream, but in real life, I don't know. I had a number of occasions to be in Stuart over the next couple of months. When I was in that part of town, I would look around, but I never saw her again. Perhaps she was an angel herself, sent for the sole purpose of teaching me generous obedience. The apostle said it can happen. God alone knows. Maybe one day I will ask him,..or... maybe ask her. For now, it remains a mystery. All I can do is pray that God led her to a good place and today she is restored and thriving, or that he brought her safely home.